INTERVIEW WITH MASKED INTRUDER!

So, big Beyonce fans are we?
Blue: For sure! Isn’t everybody? She is really, really talented and so beautiful. I mean, if someone didn’t like Beyonce, I wouldn’t even trust them.
Green: Yeah, I would stab a dude that bad mouthed her. She’s like the most attractive woman ever.

Your Valentine’s Day cards with Liz Prince were quite possibly the best I’ve ever seen, how did that come about?
Blue: Thanks! Yeah, we love them. We found out that Liz Prince was a fan a back when she mentioned one of our songs in a cartoon of hers. We were stoked, cause we think she’s hilarious. She did the cover of our debut EP, “First Offense”, and we have stayed in touch ever since. The valentines were her idea, and we just loved them. They really show our romantic side, we think. She also did a tour poster for our current tour with TBR and The Queers. She’s pretty much the best.

“Heart Shaped Guitar” was #1 on DyingScene’s 10 best Punk Rock Love Songs of 2012, congrats. Is it really a love song though, how do you guys see it?
Blue: Thanks! You know, it’s hard to say for sure what is and isn’t a love song, just like it’s hard to say what is and isn’t love. I guess most people think of love as a 2-sided thing, where both people feel the same way about each other. But, how do you really know how somebody else feels? I mean, you might really love somebody, and they might not love you, and you don’t even know it. Or, you might really love somebody, and they might hate you and tell you all about it. When you think about it, it’s pretty mean to not love somebody that loves you. I mean, it’s just selfish. Heart Shaped Guitar is about a situation we find ourselves in a lot: being head over heels for somebody that doesn’t care for you. Not everybody can relate to being hauled off heartbroken in a cop car, but I think everybody can relate to the feeling of not being able to be with the one you want, cause they don’t want you.

Sounds like you guys have a history with one-sided relationships, are the masks really there to hide your sobbing as you re-live these experiences when you play those songs live?
Blue: We don’t cry too much on stage, but yeah, it can be tough to sing about all the heartbreaking experiences that we have had. On the other hand, it’s kinda nice to get that stuff off your chest. It’s like a weight has been lifted. Not like a literal weight, but like a figurative one, or whatever. I mean, we can lift weights literally, but it doesn’t have the same effect.
Red: It does make you stronger though, and it’s a good way to kill time in the joint.
Green: I prefer chess.
Blue: You mean checkers?
Green: Oh yeah. Whichever the one is that’s not Chinese or whatever.

Is Snooki one of those girls you’re pining over without her knowing you exist?
Blue: I think so. I mean, we tweeted her a lot, but she may not have seen any of them. She has like a billion followers on Twitter.
Green: Like, way over a hundred.
Blue: So, yeah, we think she’s great. We hope we get really famous so we can meet her, and all our other crushes.

Did you guys argue over which colour intruder you were going to be like that scene in Reservoir Dogs?
Blue: Not really. We all picked our own colors a long time ago. They suit our personalities. Like, I’m always sad about some girl, and Red is pissed about something or other all the time. He was really mad the other night cause he tried to read, and couldn’t. He broke his skateboard, then he got real pissed about that. We had to give him a ton of spaghetti just to settle him down. Green is kind of a jealous dude. Like, jealous of Jay-Z.
Yellow: I’m orange.
Blue: We call him Orange for short, but his real name is Yellow.
Yellow: Orange.

Do you ever secretly switch colours without the audience catching on?
Blue: Not yet. Or have we? No.
Yellow: Orange.

Have you ever played without the masks, even just for a few seconds?
Blue: No way! We have never even seen each other without the masks on. It’s kinda crazy that they let us wear them in prison.
Red: They did though.
Green: That’s how we met.
Blue: Yeah, you notice real fast who your friends are in the joint, especially when you are the only 4 dudes in there with brightly colored ski masks and matching high tops.

How badly do they smell after each show? How often do you have to wash them or do you have a plethora of them lying around?
Blue: We tour with a nice stash of spare masks, enough to have a fresh one after every show. We just change masks wear nobody can see us, like Superman.
Green: Superman wore a mask?
Red: Yeah.
Blue: No, boneheads. I mean, like, his costume.
Yellow: We wear costumes?
Red: Yeah.
Green: No! This is a way of life!

Are you really Green Day or maybe the Philosopher Kings behind those masks?
Blue: Who knows? Us, that’s who. We gotta keep it that way, sorry!

Will you ever expose your true identities?
Blue: No.
Red: No.
Green: No.
Yellow: No.

When/if you pick up chicks after your shows, do you have to keep the masks on while you’re banging in order to keep up the façade?
Blue: Chicks don’t usually go in for dudes like us. I mean, as we get more popular, some girls wanna talk to us. But they soon find out that we are real awkward guys, which seems to be kind of a turn off for them.
Red: Girls make us nervous.
Green: It’s cause they’re pretty, and smell nice.
Blue: We’re kinda hoping that things will continue to improve with the ladies. I mean, we are nervous around girls, but we really love them, and really wanna make out with them. I believe that there is somebody somewhere out there that will see through my nerves and look past my alleged criminal history and love me for me. Or our songs, that would be ok too if she just loved me cause of the tunes.

What about when you go down on them? TMI?
Blue: Oh boy! This interview makes me feel weird.
Red: A gentleman never kisses and tells.
Green: Snitches get stitches!

Where’s your hideout?
Blue: We are currently hiding out in or around the alleged area of beautiful Madison Wisconsin. We got a real nice shack in the woods. Not that it’s in the woods, could be anywhere.
Red: Like under water.
Green: That would be awesome!
Blue: Or, maybe it IS awesome. Right guys?
Green: Oh yeah.
Yellow: I ain’t living in no damn water. There’s sharks and shit.

Have you ever seen the show Delocated?
Blue: I have seen a little bit of it since we started the band. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be like a documentary or what. Pretty funny though.

How’s life with Fat Wreck!? Dream come true?
Blue: Yeah! It is a real honor, and we love working with everybody there. They are all so nice, and rad at what they do.

I hear you got signed to Fat because Mike’s kids knew all your songs and wouldn’t stop singing along, that’s got to be a huge honour!?
Blue: Totally! We have loved NOFX since we were kids, so it’s kinda like the circle of life, or whatever.
Red: Like in the Lion King.
Green: Great movie!

When is your new album coming out? What should we expect from it, more of the same theme?
Blue: We don’t have a release date yet, but we can guarantee that it will be the best thing we can possibly do. Making a record is like planning a heist – you gotta make sure you really know what you’re doing before you go in there and start shooting up the place.

Is Matt Allison producing again?
Blue: Absolutely. We had a great time working with him and can’t wait to get back at it.

WHAT’S WITH THE ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME!? Are you guys angry?
Blue: Haha. Not really. Just excited to be Tweeting, I guess. Communicating with your fans is exciting!
Green: ESPECIALLY THE GIRLS!

Is that why you commit crimes? (because you're angry)
Blue: First off, we never committed any crimes. It’s all alleged. And, yeah, we have been convicted of numerous crimes because of a “preponderance” of “evidence” which “irrefutably proves” blah blah blah. The system is broken, we’re innocent.
Green: Plus, robbery is a victimless crime. Yeah, the other person loses the money, but you get the money, so it evens out. Karmawise, or whatever.
Red: Legalize crime!

Have you considered Anger Management?
Red: I been there. It’s alright, you get to eat donuts and drink coffee. Then you talk about stuff, which is kinda dumb. That part pissed me off, actually.

Have you ever thought about getting your lives together, leaving the life of crime behind and making an honest living outside of prison?
Blue: All the time. Prison sucks. Hopefully, we can keep doing this band thing for a while and maybe make enough money to not have to keep our alleged day jobs that keep allegedly getting us arrested because of their alleged illegality.

Your tour schedule is pretty intense, playing almost every single night in March before a short break and off to Europe to do the same. Every band survives their hectic schedules differently, how do you guys cope? Is it easier for you because you have your freedom as opposed to being stuck in prison?
Green: You hit the nail on the head. Prison is the worst. Seeing the country is sooo much better.
Blue: Yeah, the food is better, and you don’t gotta drink stuff you made in your toilet to get a buzz on.

What would you say about your live show to convince readers to come out to your show at Horseshoe in Toronto on March 6th?
Blue: You won’t forget it.


THANK YOU GUYS!!