I say that out of love and a poor sense of humour.
I met up with Careers In Science during PouzzaFest in Montreal after a loooong night of partying without any of my prepared notes. This is the result.
Apparently the conversation was already on poop pre-interview as I set up. Not sure how that got started (I was a fairly tipsy interview robot zombie by this point) but I managed to catch some of the hilarious conversation, and I'll leave it up to you to figure out what they're talking about...
MATTHEW: The locks are broken, there's no paper towel, and the sinks are dirtier than any dick I've ever seen.
CALLUM: There's no glory hole is my thing.
DAVE: I walked into the bathroom at *inaudible* because I needed to poop but the toilet seat was covered..
CALLUM: I think it's because they poop in a standing position..
DAVE: It wasn't just that there was no toilet paper, there wasn't even a toilet paper holder. There wasn't even a place for toilet paper to be. It was impossible.
CALLUM: You gotta shake it off!
MATTHEW: Shake it three times. *shakes* I'm good!
ON THAT SUBJECT, WHAT WAS THE WORST BATHROOM YOU'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED AT A VENUE YOU'VE PLAYED?
DAVE: Smiling Buddha was pretty bad, there was like urine soaked toilet paper hanging off the edge of the toilet seat onto the ground with like a full bowl.
MATTHEW: *gag* I almost threw up.
DAVE: You know like the full bowl, water up to the maximum.
CALLUM: Oh I thought you meant of shit.
DAVE: No no, but it was gross. And the Zanzibar bathroom was pretty rough. Grateful for the chance to play!
MATTHEW: Fouf's was nice though, they kept it nice and tidy!
ERIC: Yeah, reminded me of Sneaky Dee's!
DAVE: We learned what Foufounes meant today. It means bum bum.
CALLUM: It means Tush. Electric Tush!
ERIC: Well no, you don't do direct translations so, it's akin to a kid saying a tush
DAVE: Yeah the people we were asking said it's like bum bum in it's something that a kid would say, not something an adult would say. It's a childs tune.
SO ON YOUR WAY FROM TORONTO TO MONTREAL, WHO STUNK UP THE VAN THE MOST?
MATTHEW: It was me. I had Sun Chip toots. And then I had A&W toots. All encompassed in chocolate milk.
CALLUM: I think some of mine might have been blamed on you.
MATTHEW: Yeah, you squeezed a couple out and were like 'Maaatt' and I was like 'fine I'll take it'.
DAVE: We always say when we go out on tour that we have to stop eating fast food, and then we play this festival named after a poutine pizza so...
MATTHEW: When in Rome!
DAVE: When in the bathroom!
YOU GUYS HAVE A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT WHEN?
DAVE: Official launch is June 4th. The vinyl will be out the beginning of July. We'll put up everything for pre-order on June 4th and it will ship early July. And we're doing our record release early July as well.
FOR CMW YOU GUYS PLAYED THE FULL NEW ALBUM LIVE, HAVE YOU DONE IT SINCE?
CALLUM: We've done it a few times.
ERIC: We did it last night!
DAVE: Yeah we did it last night!
ERIC: You don't remember?
OH YEAH, I WAS THERE FOR THAT...
DAVE: Well, you were present..
BARELY THERE BUT PRESENT!
MATTHEW: Yeah, super cheap drinks will do that to you!
DAVE: Haha, but yeah we've played it live a couple times, it works, it's got a really good progression to it. I'm really happy with the track listing.
DO YOU THINK FANS ARE MORE INTERESTED WHEN YOU PLAY THE ALBUM LIVE IN FULL OR WHEN YOU KEEP IT KIND OF SECRETIVE?
MATTHEW: We don't have fans.
DAVE: Well I think it's the best music we've ever written so I think because we're playing the best music we've ever written then that is helping us with fans. Not many bands will put out a new record and play every song on the record but we get to do that because it's an EP and we love every track. It's working out well for us.
ARE YOU PHASING OUT YOUR OLDER SONGS RIGHT NOW IN THE SAME PROCESS?
CALLUM: Yeah I guess it's kind of happening naturally because we get bored of things.
DAVE: There's a lot we don't play as much anymore...
There was a time that it was the most complicated song we ever wrote and it blew our minds, and now we just want to do other things. That being said we still crack stuff out once in a while.
CALLUM: Yeah bring a song back 6 months later and start playing it again.
MATTHEW: Whatever is exciting to us and we're going to bring the most energy to.. we like to surround our set with songs that are going to make us rock and roll, and if we're like 'ugh we're playing this again'.. like try watching Oasis play "Wonderwall" and see how excited they are. It's like that.
DAVE: Except not nearly as successful as Oasis or "Wonderwall".
MATTHEW: *whispers* Success is a strong word..
WHAT'S THE DYNAMIC IN YOUR BAND WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING?
DAVE: We all contribute. Either lyrics or song titles or structure ideas or riffs, songs are all brought in and then built on by everyone. Everything is submitted to be broken.
CALLUM: Even if one of us thinks we have 'the song', like 'this is it it just needs to be recorded', once it's brought in it gets deconstructed and we work on it together.
DAVE: Have you ever watched a play or a movie that was written or directed by the same person? You get this vibe that there's some scenes that maybe they really love but maybe weren't best for the whole movie.. We're like that.
ERIC: Yeah we kill our babies all the time.
DAVE: Essentially. When you bring in a song you're like 'every part of this is my baby' and then your editors, we have three editors to every one thing..
ERIC: We've thrown out at least an album.. or an EP of stuff that was almost done and we just scrapped it.
DAVE: Yeah we'll write entire songs and just be like 'well, glad we got that out, that's garbage'.
ERIC: You've got to write crap to get to what your really want to do. If you've got something on the mind you've got to see it through, and if it's not working then you're like ok we've done enough, we're not just shooting down someones idea. Matt wrote a really bad song the other day and we ended up turning it into a rock opera.
DAVE: Because that's just what happens. The first song on our EP "Back To Business" is so called because we wrote half a dozen songs that just didn't work and finally got it all out and got this tune together and were like 'YES, back to business'! It's also about fucking.
OUT OF ALL THE BANDS I KNOW YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE THE CLOSEST TO EACH OTHER..
ERIC: Too close sometimes...
DO YOU GUYS EVER GET INTO FIGHTS?:
ERIC: Not over material or anything like that, but if I'm being particularly snippy to Dave he'll get upset or vice versa, or if I'm being too mean to Matt, we're cousins so I can treat him harsher than other people. Basically people get mad at me when I'm acting like a dick and then I'll calm down!
DAVE: We don't have fights like bands have fights like about what our new merch design should be, we have fights like friends have fights like 'man you're being a bit of an asshole' and nothing really lasts longer than a day.
MATTHEW: Yeah it's never really a fight it's like hey can I talk to you for a second... listen, you did this and it was dickish, can you try not to do it.. and it's like yeah, hug it out, have a beer. I think we're bigger than brothers in a way that nothing is bottled up.
ERIC: Half of us are family you know what I mean, and half of us are like way too close of best friends.
MATTHEW: And half of us hates Callum.
DAVE: And half of us is Callum!
ERIC: Callum is 2 people!
DAVE: Callum's the cheese.
ERIC: Callum's the stone wall, who comes in like 'why can't you guys just do your jobs without being babies.
CALLUM: I never said that!
ERIC: I read your blog!
HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET SICK OF EACH OTHER AND JUST NEEEED YOUR OWN SPACE?
DAVE: Always. That's good friends anyway though. We jam every Tuesday but we're not going to jam this Tuesday because we're spending the whole weekend together. By the way guys, we're not jamming this Tuesday!
ERIC: If I spend more than 3 hours with anybody I usually just have to leave. I call it my Ronan walk. I just leave.
MATTHEW: You don't want to see Eric when he's angry!
DAVE: You don't want to see him when he's hungry! 'You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry!'
ERIC: The Incredible Sulk!
*everyone dies of laughter*
ERIC: I'm hungry and everything's terrible!
DAVE: That's a new shirt!! 'You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry' with Eric's face, all green.
IS THE WOLF THEME DEAD?
MATTHEW: Yeah it's dead!
ERIC: Well the podcast is still Wolfcast, but it's just going to be a joke. It's historically something that we all latched on to because it was an inside joke and sometimes they just get old. Maybe we'll bring it back, but at the end of the day it's not really going away but we're not going to keep going with another wolf album.
DAVE: We're going pretty hard with balloons on this album!
MATTHEW: Who knows what it will be next! Wolves, balloons, hey why not a chair!
WHY DID YOU NAME YOUR NEW ALBUM COWARDS?
DAVE: I love that word. I wanted to write a song called "Cowards", I knew the title before I knew the lyrics, and then when we came up with the concept.. the whole record is in one way or another about things that are scary to us. Cowards itself is about recognizing what you can't do on your own and being OK with that. It's something that Eric taught me, I was having a really stressful day I had all this shit to do and all I wanted was to play video games with Eric, and he was like 'that's ok, that doesn't make you weak!' and then we named the album after that.
ERIC: *whispers* I'm really smart!
DAVE: And it brings out very visceral reactions in people.
MATTHEW: Oh yeah it's a crazy word, because it's not really used anymore when you say it people respond horribly.
DAVE: It's a slap. So we decided to put it on a t-shirt and try to sell it to people!
MATTHEW: Are you brave enough to be a coward?!
ERIC: It's going in a direction of songwriting that we're doing, like the whole next record we're doing is going to be about proudly wearing your weaknesses and how much of a staple it is in what we do in North American culture.
MATTHEW: Basically the idea behind it is we are admitting that there are times when we are cowards. And we're ok to say that because it only means that..
DAVE: ARE YOU? *spoken in really odd voice*
MATTHEW: Wow... can you erase that last 5 seconds? And yeah, basically that's it.
IT REMINDS ME OF THE COWARDLY LION IN ........ UHH .... WHAT'S THAT MOVIE?
ALL: The Wizard of Oz
MATTHEW: Can you erase that!!
ERIC: My favourite part of that was 'what's that movie!?'
BRAIN FART! UHH WHO DID THE ALBUM COVER?
DAVE: That would be Michael Meehan, same guy who directed our video.
ERIC: Yeah he's pretty much our unofficial camera man
MATTHEW: He's our Brian Epstein !
DAVE: He's our....... nope. It passed me. Next question!
MATTHEW: He's our Michael Meehan! Our own personal Michael Meehan!!
DAVE: NEXT QUESTION!
WHAT'S THE WORST BODILY FUNCTION THAT YOU'VE HAD TO PLAY THROUGH?
CALLUM: Dave and I barfed on stage in Kingston.
DAVE: I threw up in my mouth, and I think Callum also threw up in his mouth..
CALLUM: Yep I barfed in my mouth and then I held it until the end of the song, quickly took off my guitar and ran to the crapper and just spewed it in the toilet then ran back on stage.
MATTHEW: I ate way too many nachos at Sneaks then had to play.
DAVE: Yeah there's a lot of self-inflicted shit. I've had the flu though for like three of our biggest shows, and I'm just coming off of Strep Throat and I'm pretty sure Don from The Motorleague has it now because he kissed me on the mouth. And I want that to be in print.
HA, HE CAME UP TO ME EARLIER AND WAS LIKE 'SEVEN DUDES SAID I KISSED THEM LAST NIGHT.. THE FIRST TWO I THOUGHT WERE JOKING BUT SEVEN DUDES LATER I REALIZED I WAS REALLY KISSING EVERYBODY'
MATTHEW: The Monoleague!